Dear Chuck,

I work very long days and provide nice things for my wife and children. However, I’ve grown increasingly aware that I am missing out on valuable time with them. Can you help me find balance?

Torn Between Work and Home

Dear Torn Between Work and Home,

Having struggled with this early in our marriage, I can certainly relate to your struggle. The tension between providing materially and relationally can easily get out of balance. For most, money tends to be the top priority because it seems inflexible in order to meet monthly payments and flexible because one can make up for lost time with family later. So your question of balance is a very good one.

Don’t Let Money Master You

If you prioritize money over time, you may be undermining your happiness. An article by Elizabeth Dunn and Chris Courtney at the Harvard Business Review tells why. They reference several studies
supporting this theory. Researchers found that students who prioritized money were less happy a year after college graduation than those who prioritized time, even after controlling for happiness beforehand and accounting for various socioeconomic backgrounds.

Evidence shows that wealthier people are happier than the poor, but excessive amounts of money do not inevitably make one happier. On the other hand, low deposits in bank accounts impact people
negatively. Those who can build a cash reserve, even while eliminating debt, relieve stress. Those who can access $500 of cash show a 15% higher life satisfaction. So these authors propose two
questions to consider prior to spending:

• What do I buy that is not essential for survival?
• Is it contributing to my happiness?

Ultimate happiness is found not in spending money on things but in experience, time, and investing in others. In addition, research proves that giving can boost your mood. Jesus warned us that we cannot
serve both God and money. When we serve Him as our top priority, He will lead us to care for our families while also providing for our needs to do so.

All the Time in the World

I’ve traveled the world and been invited into many different cultures. One thing I’ve witnessed is that people in other cultures tend to do a better job spending unscheduled or unhurried time with one another. Africans have a saying that “they may not own a watch, but they have all the time in the world.” They are not driven by clocks or schedules or impacted by things that people emphasize in our culture.

Perhaps you know the lyrics to Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin.

Busyness does not mean effectiveness. Movement does not mean eternal impact. Unless we control the minutes in our days, they will control us. External pressures will drive us; escapism will lure us. Proverbs 90:12 is appropriate for combatting warfare over the minutes of our days: “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

Time Impacts Finances

Employees who use their time wisely, on and off the job, are more productive and better employees. They are the ones who often receive raises, promotions, or new opportunities. This translates into more money.

If you grew up in a home where hard work was modeled for you or if you are passionate about your job, it is even more challenging to learn to relax. Balance is important so that time with family, church, neighbors, and community is not neglected. Learn to detach from work (as much as possible) when you are home. Develop healthy habits. Laugh and play with your children; invest your time into their lives. Ask your wife to hold you accountable. Is there an older man (father, uncle, pastor, mentor) who will honestly speak wisdom into your life?