For some, Christmas is ”the most wonderful time of the year”, “the hap-happiest season of all!” But for others, it is, to borrow a line from Shakespeare, the “winter of our discontent”.

Christmas for many is a season of sorrow, not of joy. There’s the empty seat of a loved one who’s passed away, the pile of rubble and guilt created by the sin of indulgence, the loneliness and disappointment of a fractured family, the pain of job loss, and fear of rising debt. Perhaps it’s you who’s suffering this year.

If so, it’s a time to trust God in the midst of trials and pain.

In the book of Lamentations, Jeremiah said, “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”

So, trust Him. He is your Creator and your Savior. You can trust Him with your loneliness, your fears and your heartbreak and financial challenges.

There are also many practical things you can do to make yourself feel better, and stay in the right mindset this season:

• Take care of yourself. Sleep, eat well, and exercise daily.
• Find God in the everyday. Go outside, breathe deeply, admire the sunrise, the sunset, the stars the God has made. Christmas is a time of wonder – pause to admire the beauty in what seems normal or boring.
• Don’t isolate yourself. We were made for community.
• Know your limits. Don’t shop if you can’t afford it. Write notes, or make your own gift cards.
• Look for ways to serve others. It gets your mind off yourself and puts things in perspective. You’ll quickly realize that others have their own challenges.
• Praise the Lord every day. He is in control, reigning on high, and blessing in countless ways. Your gratitude will bring joy and a peace that surpasses understanding. He is your rock and fortress, an ever-present help in trouble!

If someone you know is suffering this year, be attentive. Think of people you know who don’t have much ope of having a happy Christmas – financially, physically, or emotionally. Call someone today, and tell that person that you love him or her and that God does too. See if there is anything that person needs.

The holidays can be a very lonely time for some people. If you can invite others into your home, that’s great. But if not, at least and give of yourself. The busier you are doing for others, the happier your Christmas will be.

We hope that you find immense joy and peace this Christmas season!

One easy way to connect your heart to Christ this season is with our daily God is Faithful devotional. You receive a short devotional in your inbox every morning that includes encouragement, biblical principles, and financial concepts. Sign up for free here!

If you’re interested in starting a personal finance group study, you’ll probably have a few questions before you get started. How much experience in personal finance is required? How much leadership is expected of the group facilitator?  While you may experience some hesitation, be encouraged. Being a facilitator really just means that you’re helping to involve people in a bigger picture. Here are three things to know about what it means to sign up to be a group study facilitator.

You don’t have to see yourself as an up-front leader to be a great facilitator.

The role of facilitator is not necessarily reserved for the most outgoing or extroverted person in the group. If you’re not the type to stand in front of a room and take the lead, don’t worry! The best facilitators can actually be the ones who step back and let the study happen. You’ll have email templates to assist you in communicating with your group, and features of the study to help you facilitate discussion. It’s designed so you can do as much or as little “leading” as you feel comfortable with. In reality, you’re just going through the course with your group members.

You don’t have to be an expert!

Since you really are going through the study alongside your group members, you don’t have to be an expert. You’ll be learning with the other people in your group! The group study is a vehicle for sharing your experiences with one another and providing support to one another. You won’t be preparing lessons or teaching the study; that’s all prepared by Crown! Your job is simply to facilitate, and to encourage group members as you learn together.

What matters is just to start organizing people.

If you’re considering starting a group study but don’t know where to start, we suggest that you begin by reaching out to people in your sphere of influence! Ask those you come into contact with regularly if they think God’s Word has much to say about money and possessions.  No matter how they answer, you’ll have an open door to invite them to join you in a study. You never know who might be eager to jump in and experience real transformation through these life-changing principles!

Crown’s MoneyLife Personal Finance Study is now offered online in a new group version, and it’s designed so that people who go through the study can become facilitators of their own studies, reaching more and more people with the message of stewardship. The bottom line is this: just get started. Simply extending the invitation can have a multiplying effect to impact many lives in the future. To get started, click here. 

One thing you can count on in life is that the unexpected will arise. Sometimes it’s in ways you could have imagined, but sometimes it manifests in ways that catch you completely off guard.

Unforeseen Medical Expenses

Most of us don’t plan on serious illness or injury. And who has really prepared for possibility of an extended stay in the hospital for any reason? It’s not a fun thought to dwell on but it could be reality.

HSA (Health Savings Accounts) offer some great benefits to those who qualify. You can read more about why I think HSAs are beneficial here.

Many hospitals and medical providers will negotiate with you or reduce the amount you ultimately owe. Prepare now by saving diligently and educating yourself on your options. Stay healthy by eating right, exercising regularly, and participating in yearly checkups.

Suddenly Single

Death or divorce can leave one suddenly single. These losses are traumatic experiences that change lives forever. In the midst of dealing with the grief and pain of the loss of a loved one, there are financial matters that must be considered. Even couples who have discussed the financial implications of losing the other may discover their plans are no longer relevant because of changing circumstances.

In these times, it can be difficult to take the next steps confidently, or to know where to turn. Added stresses of financial strain or instability can make an already difficult situation feel unbearable. When dealing with divorce, the death of a spouse, retirement upheaval, and unexpected medical expenses, biblical truth and a financial plan are more necessary than ever.

Here are practical steps you can take now to prepare for the unexpected.

Record-keeping is one of the most important steps you can take to prepare for unexpected events. This includes keeping a handle on your bills, any debts, investments, and bank statements.

And when the unexpected does happen, it’s very important to stay up-to-date and not fall behind whether you maintain your finances online or on paper. It may be beneficial to recruit a family member or hire a financial advisor to help you get through the initial weeks and months after your loss.

If you’re faced with overwhelming credit card debt, contact Christian Credit Counselors. They’ve been our trusted partners for years and have a highly equipped and professional team that can help you develop a plan to pay it off faster and with less interest.

As soon as possible, gather all the documents you can find that are related to your financial affairs and review them. Are there life insurance companies that need to be notified? Does your spouse’s employer need to be notified for retirement plan or group insurance plan purposes? Do brokerage companies or lenders need to be notified to change the name on your accounts?

Here’s a list of the documents you’ll need:

• Will
• Social Security card
• Insurance policies
• Loan and lease documents
• Birth certificate
• Stock certificates
• Brokerage account statements
• Bank statements
• Mortgage documents
• Deeds
• Retirement plan documents
• Employment contracts
• Partnership agreements
• Divorce agreements
• Funeral arrangements
• Death certificate
• Tax returns (4 years)
• Safe deposit box information

One of the most pressing matters is to compare your cash on-hand (liquid assets) and bills or debts you owe (liabilities). You need to have a clear idea of what your financial obligations are, and if you have the cash to address them. If cash is low, you may have to decide which bills you can pay now and which you have to delay. Contact your creditors, explain your situation, and be sure to always pay mortgages, health and property insurance, and utilities first.

Another important issue is your insurance needs. If you have just lost your spouse and you have no dependent children, you may be carrying too much life insurance. If, through death or divorce, you are now the sole supporter of a child, you may have too little life insurance. You can calculate your life insurance needs here.

You may also want to take out a disability policy on yourself if you don’t already have one, so that if you were unable to work you’d have money to support yourself and your child. If your spouse was the beneficiary on any of your insurance policies, you’ll need to designate a new beneficiary.

Some financial issues can usually wait for a few months, such as reviewing and making changes to your investments. These important decisions should not be made immediately after a death or divorce, if at all possible. Once you’re ready, you’ll want to create a net worth statement (a list of your assets and liabilities), and a budget, showing your expected income and expenses, and then assess your investment strategies. You may want to consult a financial professional (accountant or financial planner).

You will also find yourself faced with lifestyle decisions such as whether to move to a smaller house or apartment, move to a different town, return to school, or travel. Having a firm grip on your financial affairs will make all of these decisions and the transition to single life a little less painful.  

Shockers of Retirement

Many think they are all set for retirement and then met with a jarring reality that their savings are lacking, or an unexpected event knocks them off track. This could be due to adult children moving home, taking care of aging parents, unforeseen medical costs, illness, injury, or unemployment. 

Pensions and Social Security may not be enough to cover these costs, and most people don’t plan for these unexpected expenses during retirement planning. Careful planning can help you weather any storm that may come your way.

If you face a retirement shocker,  you essentially have 3 options:

1. Postpone your retirement to continue working and save
2. Retire and adjust your lifestyle to meet your new budget (decrease your standard of living or cost of essentials)  
3. Retire and supplement your retirement income with part-time work

As Solomon and any investment advisor will tell you it is imperative to have a highly diversified portfolio when it comes to investments. This is especially important the closer you get to retirement so you are less subject to the volatility of the market as you begin cashing out your investments.

Continue with a long-term perspective as you enter retirement. Don’t make the mistake of getting out when the market drops or trying to jump in when it is going up which will only hurt your long-term portfolio.

Create a plan early on and commit to stick to it. When the economy affects your plan make adjustments to get back on track.

You can visit the social security website to use the Retirement Calculator to get an estimate of your anticipated benefits.

As you are planning for your retirement and unplanned costs, don’t forget these basics:

1. Invest with a long-term perspective
2. Diversify, Diversify, Diversify
3. Plan to pay off your mortgage and be totally debt-free
4. Delay Social Security
5. Don’t retire at the first opportunity
6. Take care of yourself – exercise, eat healthy, keep stress to a minimum and seek preventative care from your doctors

In all of this, remember who is ultimately in control. Meditate on Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:

‘“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’

Resist the temptation to live in fear, and to bury yourself with the burden of “what if?”. Instead, plan for the unexpected and seek the Lord in every circumstance. He sees you, and knows your every need. He is never caught by surprise.

One of the earliest battles parents with young children have is the battle of ownership. The cries of “me, my, mine” may be carrying through your house on a daily basis now, especially as the Christmas season draws near. If not, step into a room of toddlers and it won’t take long before you hear the phrase, “No! That’s mine!” And while we may be more discreet or tactful in our outward expression of selfishness as we get older, much of the time, our heart attitude remains the same when we are adults.

This attitude becomes more obvious this time of year. We know we are supposed to focus our children’s hearts, and our own, on the miraculous meaning of Christmas. Yet it’s so easy to get swept up in the contest of finding the best deals of the season, creating the most delicious Christmas treats, and decorating our homes. Whether or not we like it, our habits and attitudes trickle down to our children. And seeing our own greed and selfishness manifest in them is not exactly encouraging.

So how do we teach our own children to be good stewards as we are trying to become one ourselves?

Teach Them to Manage

Once again, it’s about ownership. God wants us to recognize that we are managers, not owners, of all we have. He has entrusted resources, relationships, time, and money to us, and He desires that we are faithful in the way we manage it.

The biggest lessons in life are generally caught, not taught. I have fond memories of Christmas growing up, but I missed basic truths from my parents. Talk to your children about how all the gifts they are getting for Christmas are just to enjoy here on the earth, but they aren’t what matter most in life. God ultimately owns all we have, so it should be a joy for us to share with others.

Involve your older kids in planning and shopping for Christmas gifts. Talk to them about the time it takes to plan, make lists, budget, and find good deals. Ask them questions about what meaningful gifts they would like to give or receive, and allow them to be part of the process.

Resolve to live as a steward, and your children will inevitably learn how to do the same. It will take intentional conversations and lessons, but they’ll know what a steward looks like.

Teach Them to Work

Work is good! It was always part of God’s plan for man to work – He gave Adam charge over the garden before sin entered the world. Help your children understand that we were created to work and that it is a blessing. Help them discover the skills and talents God has given them. Excellence and diligence combined with humility will equip your child to become salt and light in the world.

Find some ways to work together to serve the poor in your church or community, then discuss ways to meet their needs. Give your children jobs and chores around the house so they can earn the money they need to buy gifts for others.

Teach Them to Give

This is the best way to protect your child from becoming materialistic. Generosity will bring your child priceless joy and prepare them for supporting God’s work in their generation. Anonymous giving is fun and they’ll delight in taking part!

Help them set up a plan to give a tithe throughout the year and develop a generosity fund for the Christmas season. Generosity may or may not come easily for your child – focus on the principles that will best teach your child God’s intent for generosity.

Remind your kids that generosity isn’t always about money. They can be generous with their time, their words, and their talents as well. Be sure to show your children that you don’t have to have a lot of money in order to be generous.

Find a way for your child to give their time, money, or talent this Christmas season. There are a multitude of organizations and charities that have end-of-the-year events for you to get involved with. Let your child help decide where they would like to give, and teach them the joy of giving!

Teach Them to Save

Delayed gratification is possibly the best lesson your children can learn when it comes to wise money management. Talk to them about the difference between saving money and hoarding it.

Not only will this get them in a great habit, but it will build their savings from a young age. If they want a new game or app, make them wait to purchase it until they have enough money to pay cash for it. You’ll instill in them a great work ethic and discipline to avoid debt.

Show your children the budget that you live on and talk to them about how you save to buy them gifts for Christmas. Practice moderation. Jesus and his disciples lived humbly, as did Paul and the early church. You don’t have to live in poverty, but set a good example. Demonstrate your willingness to make sacrifices to meet the needs of others.

Read Matthew 6:19-21 with them and explain what treasures in heaven mean. The Christmas season is a wonderful time to talk about the difference between earthly and heavenly treasures. All the gifts under the tree stay here on earth. But the gift of salvation in Jesus is everlasting.

How are you teaching the lesson of stewardship this Christmas season? Share your ideas with us!

What Christmas traditions do you hold dear? Maybe you always give a certain gift, bake a special dessert, or buy a specific kind of tree. For many of us, these rituals are what make the Christmas season special, and it’s hard to feel festive without them.

But for many of us, these Christmas traditions were suddenly threatened when we got married. Now your real Christmas tree, white lights, and “Happy Birthday, Jesus” cake are being threatened by an artificial tree, covered in lights, and Christmas cookies.

Have you and your spouse ever fought about Christmas traditions? Merging them takes both patience and love!

If you and your spouse are trying to sort through this December dilemma, let me encourage you to make your own traditions. Instead of fighting over whether or not the light up reindeer gets to live in the front yard, find something that’s new for you both to adopt (a light up nativity scene, perhaps?).

To create your own traditions, take the best of what you both grew up with. Filter them through the lens of truth, and adopt those that glorify the gift of Jesus.

In all the planning, honor your spouse above yourself and seek harmony. Here are 3 attitudes to adopt:

Don’t be easily offended!

We all love our traditions, but don’t be offended if yours doesn’t make the cut. Jesus was still born as Savior of the world whether or not you open a gift or two the night of Christmas Eve.

Be willing to cooperate out of love.   

We get to celebrate Christmas because of Christ’s love for us. Put this gift into practice by loving your spouse.

Keep things simple.  

The fewer items or traditions, the more money you’ll save! Don’t try to be extravagant or excessive.

Here are some fun ideas to create your own traditions:

• Play and sing carols.
• Read or listen to Christmas books.
• Work on Christmas puzzles.  
• Watch a new Christmas movie.
• Drive around and look at lights.
• Attend a Christmas cantata or concert.
• Set up a nativity scene, but don’t add Jesus until Christmas morning.
• Try new Christmas recipes.

Start your own traditions and your home will ring with love and joy! Focus on Christ and you can’t go wrong!

One thing my wife and I have always done is look for ways to be more generous around the holidays. If that is one of your traditions as well, I invite you to join Crown by making a generous donation this year. And to say thank you, we want to send you our newest video course, Total Life Stewardship. Just click here!

Have you been waiting to make a budget until you make just a little more money?

Maybe you have good intentions to start saving for retirement, but it just hasn’t happened yet.

Debt has a way of accumulating quickly while we work to develop a plan to pay it off.

Can you identify with any of these? When it comes to our finances, taking the first step is often the hardest. We want to do the right thing, and may even commit to saving, budgeting, making a plan, but then it just doesn’t happen.

Sometimes it’s a result of our fear – the “what if’s” interrupting our drive to make progress. But sometimes it’s just because we overthink things.

If you think more than you do, you may never get your finances in order. Waiting until just the right time delays the process and postpones any progress. Mark Twain said, “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.”

So, do it! Don’t put it off and don’t let yourself make excuses. Here are some basic tips to get started.

Make a Budget

Many people are intimidated by budgeting, but it can actually be the key to financial stability and freedom. Don’t think about a budget as restricting your spending – think about a budget as giving you the freedom to spend – the right way.

Remember that your budget is also not set in stone. Each month is different, and your budget will change and fluctuate with your circumstances.

We know that budgeting can be a big hurdle to overcome, so we made an easy-to-use guide to help you. It’s simple, and you can adjust it to meet your needs. You can use it if you’ve never made a budget before, or if you’ve just fallen off track.

Give

Giving is not mandated by God – He asks us to give so He can pour out His blessings on us and others (Malachi 3:10). Giving with the proper attitude and an eternal perspective opens our hearts to the needs of others. We see the world through God’s eyes.

Living a generous life is one of the greatest blessings of financial freedom. When it comes from a grateful heart, not an obligatory attitude, it can change you. Start by giving a tithe to your church and then pray about other areas in which God is asking you to be generous. Remember 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 – God loves a cheerful giver!

Save

A savings strategy should be part of every Christian’s financial plan. God wants us to be savers, and balancing your savings is an opportunity to honor God and experience His blessings.

Once you have your budget in place, reaching your savings goals will be easier (as long as you allocate money to save in your budget!). Your first goal should be to save $1,000 in an emergency savings fund. Having this cash on hand will help you avoid additional debt, and eliminate a lot of stress when unexpected expenses arise. Once you have your emergency fund, work towards saving 3 months’ worth of your living expenses as your next goal.

Look for ways to cut out expenses and save money on the necessities. If saving $1,000 seems overwhelming to you, just start by saving $10. If you can save $10, you can save $100, and you can save $1,000. Try setting up an automatic transfer to a savings account so you aren’t tempted to spend it. Or, have your employer deposit part of your paycheck into that account. These budget hacks will help you get started!   

Get Out of Debt

It may seem counterintuitive, but getting out of debt should come after you’ve started budgeting, giving, and saving.

Having a budget will help you see what extra money you can put towards paying off debt. Giving will help you keep your heart and priorities in order. And saving will help you avoid accumulating debt in the future.

Once you are ready to put a debt-payoff plan together, go straight to the Debt Snowball Calculator. All you have to do is input basic information about your debt (balance, minimum monthly payment, interest rate), and how much extra cash you can put towards it each month ($20 can make a big difference!), and it creates a payoff plan for you. By utilizing the debt snowball method, you essentially “outsmart” your debt and save both time and money. If you’re interested in learning more about debt and the debt snowball method, check out our free mini course – 5 Steps to Debt-Free Living.

We recommend you pay off your credit card debt first. If you have overwhelming credit card debt, get in touch with Christian Credit Counselors. We’ve partnered with them for years and trust them to help you develop a plan to pay off your credit cards the right way. You can start with a free debt analysis here.

I hope these practical steps help remove any fear or hesitation you have about getting your finances in order. Take the first step, and see how your heart changes in the process. And if you want to take a deep dive into managing your finances God’s way as we enter the new year, enroll in Crown’s online MoneyLife Personal Finance Study.

People leave jobs for one reason: better opportunities.

Those might come in different forms, depending on your priorities. For some people, better opportunities equate to a higher salary. Others take new jobs for the chance to hone their skills or challenge themselves professionally. Whatever particular opportunity they seek, they know they’re not finding it at their current position.

I applaud people who continually strive for more, and I encourage you to always seek opportunities to better your circumstances. When people tell me they’ve stagnated in their jobs, I advise them to ask their bosses for more invigorating work or start looking for other positions. The economy is changing rapidly, thanks to technology and automation, and those who become complacent will be left behind.

Beware of Well-Intentioned Guilt Trips

Unfortunately, not everyone will see your pursuit of new opportunities in a positive light. Even relatives and friends with good intentions will balk when you tell them you’ve decided to leave a steady job for a more dynamic company. They may be confused as to why you’d give up stable work at a legacy corporation to try your luck with a startup. Or they might see your restlessness as ingratitude for the good job you already have.

It’s easy to start feeling guilty about leaving a job in the face of such reactions. You think of your coworkers, with whom you have a great rapport, and worry that you’re leaving them in the lurch. You imagine your boss’s disappointment after she’s invested so much time in training and mentoring you. You fear guilt-inducing commentary from your parents, who grew up in a very different economy than you. Your mother can’t fathom how you could leave a company that’s treated you well just to pursue your own ambitions. Your dad insists that you’re jeopardizing your children’s future by walking away from a good thing.

Well, I’m here to tell you to ignore all of those criticisms and stop feeling guilty. Leaving a job isn’t easy. But you wanted to leave for a reason, and you should stand by that instinct. Your boss, your colleagues, and your family want the best for you, without a doubt. But the truth is, no one cares more about your future than you do.

Only you know what you want to achieve, the legacy you want to create, the amount of income you need to secure your family’s future. Career decisions are intensely personal, and you should not feel guilty for standing up for your needs. In fact, there’s biblical precedence for it. In 1 Timothy 5:8 we read, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” God wants us to care for our families first and foremost, so never sacrifice your future because other people make you feel bad about leaving a job.

The Secret to Guilt-Free Resignations

Now, let’s be clear. There are right and wrong ways to leave a job. Handing in your resignation without giving at least two weeks’ notice is unprofessional. If you value the relationships you’ve cultivated at your current job, break the news respectfully. Give them as much notice as possible and offer to wrap up any ongoing projects before you leave. Ask them how you can make the transition easier. Leaving on a positive note allows you to maintain those relationships, which will be important as you move throughout your career.

Once you tell people you’re leaving, you may feel an enormous weight lifted from your shoulders. I’ve known many people who delayed resigning until the last possible minute because they were afraid of people’s reactions. As soon as they said the words, they were flooded with relief.

People often misinterpret fear as guilt, and they convince themselves they’re letting everyone down by taking a new job. But they’re really afraid of burning bridges and getting backlash for prioritizing their career needs over their existing professional responsibilities. However, your bosses and colleagues should understand your motivations. They may not be happy to see you go, but they’re building careers, too. Many of them probably have families to support as well. They get it. And if you’re honest with them about your decision, they will not fault you for doing what’s right for yourself.

The Job Security Myth

One of the most common concerns you’ll hear from family and friends is, “You have a great job, why would you leave? Play it safe!” But staying in a job out of fear isn’t playing it safe. When the Great Recession hit, 8.7 million people lost their jobs. How many of them thought they were safe? That their jobs were guaranteed as long as they wanted them? There’s no such thing as a lifetime employment guarantee, especially in our rapidly changing economy. That’s why you need to take risks, challenge yourself, and constantly be honing new skills.

Back in 2009, when the economy was on fire, I resigned as CEO of a thriving company in Flint, Michigan, to start my own business. People thought I was crazy. Was I really trading gainful employment for the uncertainty of entrepreneurship? You bet I was. Along with the rest of the country, I was learning that the only promise when it comes to job security is that there are no promises. I didn’t want to spend my career in a corporate, 9-to-5 fashion, always wondering when the next shoe would drop. So I left.

Most people mistake tradition for safety. That’s why so many employees who hate their jobs stay in positions that make them miserable instead of seeking a more fulfilling path. A career change is more terrifying to them than the prospect of being laid off when the next economic crisis hits.

But I can’t live that way and neither should you. If you’re dissatisfied with your job, don’t stick with it out of guilt or fear. Cultivate your self-awareness and identify what’s missing. Sometimes you can carve out a new role for yourself at your current organization and that’s enough of a change to satisfy you. But sometimes you need to take a leap, and you shouldn’t let other people’s opinions hold you back from doing something great.

I’m not saying it will be easy to ignore their criticisms and forge ahead. But when you’re looking back in the rearview mirror of your life and you see how much richer your existence has become, you’ll think, “I’m so glad I didn’t let other people’s guilt stop me from doing what was right for me.”

Around this time last year, I remember receiving several questions from spouses about their “holiday budgets”. One woman in particular explained that her husband was more of an “Ebenezer Scrooge” when it came to Christmas spending, while she loved the experience of shopping for others and giving big gifts.

I would have to imagine that this scenario is not unusual. My wife and I are pretty much polar opposites when it comes to our spending habits! We’ve had to work through our own differences over the years as to how we prefer to spend money on Christmas. So if this explains your situation, take heart, because you are not alone.

Just because you and your spouse share an appreciation of Christmas doesn’t mean that you naturally agree on how to mark this occasion (or other celebrations for that matter). But I have found that identifying things you can agree on, instead of focusing on what you disagree on, is the key to having marital harmony around the holidays. Here’s my advice on how to do that.

1. Make a Goal

In order to find some peace in Christmas, during which we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace, first sit down together and agree that your goal is to put Christ first in your celebration.

Agree that a tug of war over how big a celebration is not where you want to go. It is, by the way, the greatest birthday celebration the world has ever known and should be focused on worshipping and adoring the Christ child. That is a good place to start to find your common ground.

The reality is that in most marriages one person is a spender and one is a saver. Consider that God’s design for checks and balances, ensuring that the family benefits from both perspectives.

As with all financial decisions made as a team, agree that you will listen respectfully…and then do it! A good place to begin is to talk about what your childhood Christmases were like and what you would you like to replicate or never experience again in your own home.

In counseling hundreds of couples around the world, I’ve learned that people are often reacting to their life experiences when they make financial decisions – trying to recreate good memories or avoid bad ones. So seek to understand your spouse’s point of view, hopes, dreams and fears.

In our case, I liked the over-blown decorations and treasure trove of gifts under the tree because that was the way I grew up. My wife appreciates simplicity, fewer gifts with more meaning and a focus on worship. We have migrated her direction and it has been a blessing on many levels.

2. Make a Decision

Second, decide together on one thing you both really want to enjoy as a family. Perhaps one of the problems in your Christmas celebration is that too much of your conflict comes from fighting over individual goals and not the shared goals of a man and woman.

This does not need to be about money. Low cost options could be enjoying free Christmas concerts, going caroling or ice skating. Agree together on memories you want to create and make that your first priority. Last year Ann and I decided to enjoy Christmas Day serving food at a homeless shelter with our two youngest sons. It was a first for our family and we all enjoyed it!

3. Make a Plan

Third, make a plan for how much you want to spend. Some people truly have the gift of giving, but that still requires a budget.

The spouse who does not want to tax a family’s resources provides an important point of view at a time of year when we are all encouraged to go into credit card debt in every TV ad for things we don’t really need or want. I think it is wise to agree to a debt-free Christmas budget and work from there.

Consider your gift giving in creative ways, with baked treats, or a homemade treasure, or a family heirloom that can be passed along, or with your time. The goal is to show your love, not your checkbook.

When it gets stressful, take a break and find something to laugh about. As Charles Dickens wrote, “It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.” Remember, “joy to the world, the Lord has come!”

What sort of emotions does the holiday season evoke in you?

My pastor, Ronnie Batchelor, describes this as the time of year when “…we all experience the familiar unnerving sense that we’re approaching the brink – something akin to the clack-clack-clack-clack ascent of the rollercoaster when couples instinctively grasp each other’s hands and exchange nervous looks that communicate, ‘Here we go!’ We just hang on and hold our collective breath because we’re in for quite a ride!

The next season will almost certainly be a jostling, frenzied blur of parties and baking and travel and pumpkin spice…and obscene amounts of food until (as the last strains of Auld Lang Syne fade), we all coast back into the station and exhale – sometime about mid-January.”

There is great anticipation, a shared excitedness, and many feel like it is the happiest time of the year. But for many people, this season is also filled with stress, anxiety, and busyness. We can make ourselves so busy we feel like a hamster on a wheel, just trying to keep up so we don’t fall over!

Whenever I experience these periods of high stress, I have to remember that I’m not in charge.  Crown’s founder, Larry Burkett once said that he was resigning from being in charge of the universe – and would let God keep His job!

I find myself in this same crunch at times. I take on too much, spread myself too thin, and end up tired and ineffective. This is when I need margin.

So, I’m challenging myself to slow down. God is in charge of the universe. Not you, not me, not the President, not the iPhone X.

But how do we actually slow down?

First, we have to make God’s priorities our priorities.

We pray, we read the Word, we go to church, we rest on the Sabbath, we give generously, we use the money He’s provided to build His kingdom – not ours.

As Paul said, “…you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Gal 5:13-14)

Second, we need to serve others.

Serving brings us true joy and is proven to reduce anxiety and depression. God designed our minds and our bodies to benefit when we think of others before ourselves.

But the simple truth is that most Americans are too busy to serve God. We have grown complacent and comfortable in God’s blessing and have forgotten the first commandment. Since God asks for obedience instead of demanding it, many Christians simply ignore the very reason for their existence: to glorify God. Some of us are so busy doing things for God that we aren’t doing the things of God.

Peter said, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace… whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 4:10-11)

And, “…whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45)

Third, we need to be faithful.

One of the greatest lessons in my life was learning that success in God’s eyes is faithfulness. Changing my mindset from being an owner to being a manager of all God has given me has brought so much freedom, and it will do the same in your life.

Stewardship is all about faithfulness. I want to hear “well done, good and faithful servant” when I meet Christ – don’t you?

So take the first steps. Commit to slow down this season, to serve others, and to be faithful. Now is a great time to dive deep into what God’s word says about your money. And the best way to do that is with Crown’s online MoneyLife Personal Finance study. This online course has 7 sessions focused on helping you align your finances with Scripture find freedom in your life. You can enroll today, or give it as a gift!